


Android sheep

by amuk



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Families of Choice, Family, Five Stages of Grief, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 10:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10091657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amuk/pseuds/amuk
Summary: Androids didn’t dream. But if she could, it would be of that final afternoon, his head heavy in her lap. --Aigis, Yukari, Mitsuru, Ken, Akihiko, Koromaru, Fuuka, and the steps of loss





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place between the Journey and the Answer. I kinda wish I could fix up some of the parts more but I’m not sure what to do about this…

 

Androids didn’t dream. Her body was made of microprocessors and copper wires, her soul bits of ones and zeros. In tiny chips her memories were stored, her functionalities limited by her programming.

 

It was impossible. But if she were able to, if an android could dream and take that step between machine and life, it would be of that final moment. His head heavy on her lap, a calm breeze carrying the faint scent of cherry blossoms. The sun was warm and in the distance, the sound of footsteps as the others raced up the stairs.

 

He looked up at her, his eyes heavy and tired.

 

 _Sleep_ , she whispered.

 

His eyes shut.

 

 _Sleep_ , she commanded.

 

And sleep he did.

 

-x-

 

**March 10 th**

 

“Yukari.”

 

Yukari jumped with a loud cry. People turned to stare and she gave an awkward laugh, embarrassed. “Sorry, sorry,” she muttered quickly, before whirling around to Aigis.

 

Red, she frowned deeply. “Jeez, Aigis, warn someone first.”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t think I would surprise you.” Aigis stood next to her on the platform, regretful. “How should I warn you?”

 

“You don’t have to take everything I say so seriously!” Yukari shook her head, bemused. Fanning her cheeks, her skin returned to her usual colour. “Besides, you have metal feet—you can’t give more of a warning than that.”

 

She looked down at her legs, shifting them slightly. The clangs echoed in the station and when she looked up, Yukari smiled wryly. “You know, it’s easy to forget you’re not human sometimes.”

 

“How?” Her body was made of metal. Her strength, her speed, even her computing were at a rate that a human could barely match. How anyone could forget she was a robot, she couldn’t comprehend.

 

“Well, maybe not when you act like that…” Yukari snorted, shaking her head. “Going home?”

 

“Yes.” She looked down at the book in Yukari’s hands, still open to a page on English expressions. “Those are hard to understand.”

 

“English?” Yukari shrugged her shoulders. She closed the book, slipping her bookmark into place. “I guess, though I think math’s worse. Though, I don’t know why you’re having problems—can’t you just download the knowledge?”

 

“My memory banks don’t operate like that.” Aigis shook her head. “I have to learn it just like you.”

 

“That’s too bad,” Yukari huffed, disappointed. “I guess you have to study like the rest of us then. Are you going to get a job too then?”

 

“I…I don’t know.” Aigis gazed down at her hands. She had stroked his hair those last moments, her fingers brushing his bangs away from his eyes. “I…I only had one purpose…and…”

 

What happened to the protector when their charge died? Her promise had nowhere to go, no one to help.

 

“I promised and I…”

 

“You…” Yukari’s expression froze, her mouth barely forming words. Above them, an announcement rang. In the tunnel, the bright headlights of the train peered into the station. A bell clang, warning them to keep behind the line as the train rushed past them.

 

“Hey, Aigis?” Yukari’s voice was soft, barely audible as the train slid into the station. A gust of wind pushed past them, physics filling the vacuum. “Did you…”

 

The train’s doors opened, a pleasant voice warning everyone to watch their step. Yukari gripped the straps of her bag tightly, her words lost in the restless mob.

 

“Yukari?” She took a step forward, trying to reach her friend. People pushed between them, increasing the gap. “What did you say?”

 

Yukari stared at her and Aigis couldn’t read her expression. Was she angry? In pain? There was something hard and jagged about her eyes, something firm about the way she set her lips.

 

“Yukari, are you all right?”

 

“…it’s nothing.” Yukari shook her head. She took a step back to avoid the crowd shuffling forward.  “I forgot, I need to go to cram school.”

 

She took another step back and turned around.

 

“Oh.” Aigis watched her walk away. The crowds pulled her into the train, away from Yukari, and she lost sight of her.

-x-

 

**March 15 th **

 

Mitsuru sighed as she closed a folder. The lounge table was covered in manila files, edges of receipts and plans sticking out of them. “I didn’t think I’d have to do this again so soon.”

 

“Do what?” Aigis sat down on the couch opposite to her. It was strange to think this was their last month here; she had grown accustomed to this building. One of the folders was labelled _Dorm inventory_ and she resisted the urge to open it and see if his things were listed in there.

 

With a tired look, Mitsuru pulled out a small order form. “Arrange another funeral. I’ve already chosen the location and the flowers but there’s not much time left to do the rest.” Her fingers were already running over the paper, filling in the lines. 

 

“Oh.” Funeral.  Aigis had attended three so far and still didn’t understand them. Not really. He hadn’t cried at either, his fists tightening as the coffins were lowered. “Do you need help?”

 

Mitsuru blinked slowly before shaking her head. “No, it’s fine Aigis. I’ve done this three times now.” She laughed bitterly. “It’s strange, but I’m used to it now.” She shuffled the papers again, almost talking to herself now. “It’s so simple, to check a few boxes here and put down some money. It’s his life and all I can do is…”

 

Her voice trailed off, her fingers tightly scrunching up the paper. She looked up at Aigis, her eyes bright with unshed tears. Aigis almost reached out to wipe them—he would have done that, she was sure. The same way he had brushed the flower petal off her hair, his smile weary from the effort it took. Had that been his last burst of energy?

 

She should have noticed.

 

“It’s frustrating.” Mitsuru’s pained voice was the only sign of her slowly unraveling control.  “He doesn’t even have any family to call, just some classmates. We can’t even tell anyone what he did, why he died—he’s just a statistic, a medical mystery now.”

 

Her grief was muted, restrained.  At her father’s funeral, Mitsuru had remained calm. Her feelings were never on display.

 

Even now, she was wiping her eyes quickly to hide it. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…I just wish I could do more. I want him to be remembered and…” Mitsuru shook her head as though forcing her thoughts away. Organizing her folders, she took a deep breath and observed Aigis. “Anyways, I need your answer by the end of the month.”

 

 “Before the next semester of school starts?”

 

“If you’re planning on attending school, I need to get the paperwork set up.” Mitsuru sighed, rubbing her shoulders. “I also need everyone’s invokers and to tell them the final date and figure out where Koromaru is going—there’s so much to do, I haven’t even finished packing my room.”

 

“I can tell everyone,” Aigis said quickly.

 

“Are you sure?” Mitsuru scrutinized her before smiling gratefully. “Thank you.”

 

-x-

 

**March 18 th **

 

“Oh, so we have to return them after all.” Ken looked down at his invoker, his grip tightening on it. The gun looked so big in his small hands. “I knew it but I was hoping I could keep it.”

 

“As a souvenir?” Aigis asked. Her own invoker was inbuilt and impossible to part with.

 

“More like a reminder.” Ken turned his gun over, running his fingers over its frame. “I don’t want to—I can’t forget what happened with Shinji.”

 

“I understand.” Aigis glanced up at the ceiling, at the corner below _his_ room. Who would get his invoker? She hadn’t entered his room since that day. It had been threadbare, a few knickknacks to indicate the year he spent there.

 

Mitsuru had wanted some proof he had lived. Aigis was afraid there was nothing to find.

 

“I guess it’s all happening at once.” Ken’s gaze wandered around the lounge. They were the only ones in, a usual state nowadays. The rooms hadn’t felt so big before, so quiet. “We’re all leaving.”

 

“The dorms have to close,” Aigis replied simply. “We cannot live here anymore.”

 

Ken chuckled. “No, that’s not—that’s not what I meant, Aigis.”

 

Yukari’s expression had been similar at the train station—their laughs weren’t happy though they were laughs all the same. There were so many nuances to emotions. Aigis could drown in them and still not understand half of what a feeling meant.

 

“No, I …” Ken gestured around the room, at the stark emptiness of it all. “We’re not going to be together anymore—everyone’s going their own way.” He bit his lip and Aigis was reminded of just how much younger he was than the others. “I thought we’d at least stay in touch but now…”

 

His voice trailed off, helplessly.

 

“We’re not a team anymore,” Aigis echoed, understanding now. Since that doctor’s verdict, this had been a fact.

 

Without a leader, there was no team.

 

“No, we’re not.” Ken’s voice was shaky. “I thought—I thought I had finally found, that we were—” His cries drowned out his words, his small figure trembling.

 

Aigis reached out hesitantly before dropping her arm to her side. “I’m sorry.”

 

-x-

 

**March 22 nd **

 

“There isn’t much time,” Aigis stated, looking down at Koromaru. The temple grounds were always vacant at this time of night, especially this early in spring. Even the sands were chilly, winter not quite yet gone.

 

He barked as he sat next to her.

 

She adjusted her position on the sandbox frame. “You aren’t going to walk?”

 

Lying down on the sand, he gave a plaintive whine. Maybe it was too much for him, losing owner after owner. Shinji had been close to him as well, oddly enough.

 

“Mitsuru said she’d find you a home too,” Aigis added, not wanting him to worry. “You will not be left behind.”

 

His tail wagged lightly, an indication of joy, and Aigis watched it sway. It used to shake faster; Koromaru had mentioned before how it was more than just a—

 

Aigis sat up in surprise. The entire conversation had been her understanding his body language and not his actual language.

 

“Koromaru?”

 

He whined again—was he happy? Curious? Sad? His whine meant nothing, said nothing, and Aigis had lost the ability to translate his words.

 

She might have lost more than that; ever since Yukari had watched her, her mouth a straight line, Aigis had felt something was missing. Some level of understanding, of _being_.

 

Koromaru pawed at her legs. His little yips had no deeper meaning, his responses that of any other dog.

 

She was forgetting, abandoning, something.

 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, but a response was beyond her reach.

 

-x-

 

**March 25 th **

 

Akihiko almost lived in the gym these days. Stepping inside, Aigis could hear a steady drum beat, the constant ra-ta-ta of fists.  Swiveling her head, she spotted her senior, his fists an endless barrage of noise as they struck the punching bag.

 

Mitsuru had frowned when she gave the address of the gym.   _You’ll find him here_ , she had said, her words short and clipped.

 

“Akihiko,” Aigis called out over the din and he caught the bag.

 

“Aigis.” He smiled at her, friendly despite his gruff voice. It was reassuring that some things didn’t change. “What brings you here?”

 

“Mitsuru said she needs the application soon otherwise you’ll miss the deadline.”

 

His face blanched and he scowled. “I should never have told her.” He took off his gloves and grabbed a towel, wiping the sweat off his face.  “She wasn’t happy, was she.”

 

His question didn’t sound like a question, more of a fact. Even his protests sounded half-hearted, as though he didn’t really mean any of it. If anything, his fingers trembled as he tried to play it off.

 

“I should have thought about graduation earlier.” Akihiko sighed, rubbing his neck. “Tell her I’ll give them to her by the end of the week.”

 

“She said to give them with the invokers.”

 

His smiled dropped. Under his breath, he muttered, “So she decided.”

 

“By herself again, as usual.” He shook his head.  Louder now, he complained, “I shouldn’t be surprised but…I wish she’d tell me these things beforehand.”

 

Aigis didn’t reply, observing the gym instead. It was late in the evening; most members had gone home already. As Akihiko muttered to himself, she focused on him once more. “Why are you always here?”

 

“Why?” he repeated, surprised. “I didn’t think you’d ask me that.”

 

She wasn’t sure why either. “I…I just…”

 

“It’s fine.” He cut off her response and put his gloves back on. “I don’t know why either. It’s just…that last fight—that must have been the reason he died. He got up and no one else could.”

 

The pressure had been so strong, the gravity of another planet. It hadn’t made sense, why he could get up, why she couldn’t—she didn’t have the limitations of a human. Her body was built to withstand monsters and bombs.

 

“How did he do it?” Akihiko put his boxing gloves back on. “Was it strength? Was I missing something? I just…I just keep wondering about that.”

 

“Me too.”

 

He had been frail, so frail the first time they met. Less so the second time but his bones could still break so easily under her hands.

 

Strength. Willpower. Desire.

 

She was lacking in something, a fatal error in her code.

 

His back had looked so small when he stood, too small to handle the weight of the world. Her fingers couldn’t reach him, no matter how hard she pushed her gears.

 

If she had been a better robot, if she had been more of a machine, maybe she could have. If it meant sacrificing her emotions, she would have.

 

But it was too late now.

 

-x-

 

**March 27 th **

 

“Aigis!” Junpei’s face crinkled up into a smile when she entered the ramen shop. A chime rang to announce her entrance. Gesturing at the seat next to him, he motioned for her to sit down. “Have a seat—you gonna eat?”

 

“No.” She never had much use for it in the first place and recently it felt more like a chore than a pleasure. Aigis perched on the chair gingerly, trying hard not to remember the last time she was here. “I’m fine.”

 

“Too bad, I’d have treated you.” Aigis very much doubted that. “I guess that means twice as much for me.”

 

“Mitsuru collecting the invokers.” This time she didn’t pause to banter. “She wants them on—”

 

“I got it, I got it.” Junpei grinned, a thing of sunshine. “I guess it’s over then.”

 

In front of him were two bowls of ramen and he just signaled for a third. “Can you eat that much?”

 

He laughed and patted his belly. “If it’s ramen, definitely. Besides, I’m eating for three now.”

 

“Are you pregnant?” Aigis stared at his stomach—that expression was definitely used for pregnant women, she was sure of it. “I did not know it was poss—”

 

“What?” Junpei yelped, falling off his chair. “No, no, Aigis, no, I’m definitely not.”

 

She stared at him dubiously and he vigorously shook his head. “Aigis, that’s impossible.”

 

“What did you mean then?”

 

Getting up, he sat on his stool once more. “Chidori gave her life for mine and he…he sacrificed for everyone. Man, if I knew what he was going to do, I wouldn’t have complained as much as I did.” Junpei frowned, staring down at his half empty bowl. “I don’t think I could have done it.”

 

He stirred the noodles in his bowl. “You know, my father…my father would drink to forget. Every night, every day, there was a bottle in his hand. I never thought I’d understand why before.”

 

Setting down his chopsticks, he pushed the meal aside. “I wish I didn’t.”

 

Another dish was brought forward, the chef raising his eyebrow as Junpei eagerly grabbed it. “Sure you can eat all that?”

 

“As long as someone rolls me home,” Junpei joked back. Turning to Aigis, he continued as though nothing happened. As though that entire conversation had never occurred. “Anyways, since they can’t eat or do anything, I’ve gotta do things for them.”

 

“…to live for them,” Aigis muttered.

 

“Yeah, exactly.” Junpei looked down at his receipt and sighed. “Though, maybe I should do it in a cheaper way. I don’t think I can eat this much every night.”

 

-x-

 

**March 28 th **

 

“Aigis, did you need something?” Fuuka set down her screwdriver, smiling brightly. In front of her were the gutted remains of a radio. Noticing Aigis’s stare, she rubbed her head sheepishly. “I wanted to experiment a little with it.”

 

“What are you making?” she asked, curious.

 

“Well, we won’t need it anymore, but I wanted to make a radio that would work in the dark hour. Mitsuru’s bike could work, so there has to be a way.” Fuuka sighed. “Not that I can test it either.”

 

“Then why?”

 

“Oh well, um, you see,” Fuuka stuttered, flustered. “It’s, uh, a promise I made to him.”

 

“Promise?” Aigis stared at the radio again, not sure why he would have wanted it. Music? Did he like music? She’d seen him with his ipod a few times, his headphones blaring music as he sat on the train to school. His playlist was saved in her hardware, a sound track she played when she followed his route.

 

“Oh, not the radio itself.” Fuuka shook her hands, trying to explain herself. “I…well, I made him food and I’m not really a good cook and I had him test it but…” She stopped and covered her face, her skin a bright red. “Wait, no, that’s not what I wanted to say.”

 

Confused, Aigis cocked her head. “What was the promise?”

 

“I…” Fuuka took a deep breath, calming herself. “I like to fix machines. I thought…for a long time, I thought I had to hide that. But he, he said it was fine. That whatever I did—baking, tinkering, whatever, it was all fine, as long as I wanted it.”

 

Fuuka wasn’t looking at her anymore, her expression vacant, her smile small and sad. “He liked me as I was. Despite my bad cooking, with my greasy hands, it was all me.” Shaking her head, she looked at Aigis now. “So I want to keep that promise we made, I want to still be myself and do what I want.”

 

She picked up her screwdriver, returning to the radio. “Even if he isn’t around to see it, I’ll keep it.”

 

-x-

 

**March 30 th **

 

“Aigis.” Yukari stood at her door, her expression serious.

 

Aigis sat up in her bed, surprised. Yukari almost never visited her, especially not this late at night. “Yukari, Mitsuru wanted the invokers back.”

 

Yukari’s brows furrowed. “Oh. I see.” Her fingers curled and she released a slow breath. “Aigis, I need to know something.”

 

She looked up at her, surprised. For the past month, she could have sworn Yukari was avoiding her. “Yes?”

 

Yukari took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “What were his final words?”

 

“Oh.” Aigis could feel her circuits overheating, the processors that composed her soul going into overtime.

 

The file with his last words, his last expression was locked tight. If she had skin, she could have felt his body cooling as he lay in her lap.

 

His lips moved softly, the memory of that final battle playing out as they waited on the roof.

 

 _Sleep_ , she had said. _You’re tired. I will wake you._

 

Sleep he had. If she had told him to stay awake, would he have lived?

 

“He smiled,” Aigis said slowly, reliving the warmth of that spring day. Did he know then? Did he just feel tired?

 

That night on the bridge, years ago—he had been a child, so young. Was it inevitable the moment she pushed death into him?

 

“And?” Yukari’s eyes were still closed, her breathing faint. Her voice trembled. “Did he…did he say anything?”

 

“No.” There was no will left to play out, no last request for Aigis to carry. She had promised to stay by his side, to protect him, but he was dead and there was nothing left here for her. “He said nothing.”

 

“Nothing?” Yukari opened her eyes, her face crumpling. Her voice rose. “Nothing at all?”

 

“He just closed his eyes.” Aigis looked at her, distraught. “He just closed his eyes and smiled.”

 

“Nothing,” Yukari mumbled, shaking her head.

 

“Yukari?”

 

“I…I’ve got to go.” She turned around and stumbled back to her own room. Aigis couldn’t get up—she was on the roof again, no strength in her body as they stared death in the eye.

 

He had smiled and that was all she had of him, all she had left of a promise she couldn’t keep.

 

-x-

 

Androids didn’t dream. It was an impossible function, the same way feelings and desires and thoughts were impossible. Aigis wasn’t supposed to be happy, sad, angry.

 

It was easier before, when she was just a robot. When all she had were directives and objectives, a cold language of ones and zeros guiding her path. She wished she could go back to when they had first met, to return to not understanding what any of these feelings meant. She didn’t want to even think about them, she was tired of it all. That afternoon sky played in her mind nightly, the file pulled out for a daily review.

 

It wasn’t a dream. The night wore on, the clock next to her running into dawn. Her mind wouldn’t shut down.

 

After all, androids couldn’t dream.

 

The sun rose outside her window, the sky the same blue as that afternoon, as his eyes.

 

And after tonight, she didn’t need to sleep either.


End file.
